Road map through Metamorphosis
Part of Circle of Mentors Series published by Imaginalia
Read intro article to this Series: Soul Journey through the Chrysalis
To further illuminate how we can approach the journey through the chrysalis with grace, two bright souls answered the following questions that you may be exploring for yourself in these times of transition:
1- What propelled your journey through metamorphosis?
2- What is one practice, ritual or supportive space that has helped you cultivate a sense of faith & new possibility in times of unraveling?
3- What has been helping you settle your nervous system & center when you feel the ground beneath you crumbling and your sense of identity dissolving?
4- What lessons have you learned as you experienced the dark chrysalis, that liquid state when the world and yourself as you knew it no longer rings true and the renewed most authentic you is not yet revealed?
5- What North Star is guiding you during times of metamorphosis as your familiar bearings are no longer reliable?
Interview with Arielle Greenwald — A Healing Arts Practitioner and mama who faced the sudden death of her boyfriend in college and later on, untamed herself from a steady marriage to a man as she met a woman who rocked her world.
What propelled your journey through metamorphosis?
My journey of metamorphosis began in my teenage years but catalyzed at the age of 21 when I lost my partner at the time to a fatal overdose. Wading through my grief, and feeling outcast from peers who couldn’t relate to what I was going through, I found comfort in a deepening relationship with the divine and all that lives in the unseen realms. I became increasingly curious about what happens after death, how I could potentially communicate with my deceased partner, and how something greater than myself could carry me through this portal of grief. In coming face to face with my very human attachments and the pain that physical loss can invoke, I chose to pursue a path of healing. I immersed myself as a student of holistic health at the university I was attending, and I sat — on my therapist’s couch, in my bed with my journal and my tears, in meditation sanghas, in classes that exposed me to the unseen energy systems of the human body, in plant medicine ceremonies. I found solace in stillness, quiet, and darkness. Since then, the rites of passage that have continued to guide me in my lifelong metamorphosis are marriage, childbirth, divorce, and coming out. Each one of these portals has asked me to let go of a former version of myself to discover a deeper and fuller sense of self and place in the world.
What is one practice, ritual or supportive space that has helped you cultivate a sense of faith & new possibility in times of unraveling?
I keep a little box on my altar. When I feel overwhelmed or find myself dealing with an issue that’s beyond my scope that I care deeply about, I write down what it is I’m seeking support with, and I place that note in the box. This is my way of ritualizing surrender and trust. Every tiny note that goes into that box is held by spirit and will be sorted out in life’s time on life’s terms. I offer up a prayer as I close the lid, and I do my best to let go of specific outcomes or answers. I do keep showing up fully for my life everyday, and doing my best to live in integrity with my values. There is a fine line between what is and is not spiritual bypass, and part of the practice of trusting and surrendering is knowing what’s our part to do something about and what’s our part to hand over to something bigger than ourselves. Discerning what is and is not within my control has been paramount in my ability to cultivate hope amidst despair. So much of what we’re going through collectively and in our personal lives is beyond our individual control. There are actions we can and must take to do our part, but we cannot have the answers to the bigger questions or always make sense of the pain and hardship we face. When I zoom out in my perspective and recognize what’s mine to do something about and what’s not, my life becomes simpler. For everything that I can’t act upon, or don’t yet have the clarity of what action to take, I place in my god box.
What helps you settle your nervous system & center when you feel the ground beneath you crumbling and your sense of identity dissolving?
More than anything — rest. This has been a year of slowing down. A year of salt baths, diffused essential oils, morning pages, candles at my altar, prayer, walks at the ocean, talks with a beloved, slow deep stretching, staring at the sky, and rest. Sometimes I need to melt in the silence and stillness, sometimes I need to walk or stretch, sometimes I need to talk it out with the god of my understanding or a very close friend or the pages of my journal. What’s most important to me is that I don’t become attached to my healing looking any one way, and that I give myself the space and time to just be, to wait to hear what my whole being desires in order to feel cared for and nourished. I may set aside time for movement and then find that I just want to lay in bed and stare out my window and listen to music — and my healing is in the acknowledgement and acceptance of myself in that moment. So much of our capacity to heal is in the pause we give ourselves. It’s in the choice to stop running from our discomfort and to acknowledge what’s alive in the moment and let it be. We have all endured so much loss and change in this past year individually and collectively, and that takes its toll on our systems. Most days, I am tired. And I remind myself of what I and we have all been through. And, to the extent that my circumstances allow, I let myself rest.
What lessons have you learned in the descent? What north star is guiding you?
I have learned that healing is nonlinear. That we will often find ourselves in familiar circumstances at different times in our life to deepen our understanding of something we came here to learn, and that each time we have additional tools to support us along with a changed perspective. I have learned that there is freedom in letting go. That I don’t need to have all the answers to my questions and I don’t need to rush my process. In the midst of a recent wave of overwhelm, a special friend reminded me to “keep my head where my feet are”. I was projecting my fears onto the future and creating major distress within myself. Now, as a daily practice, I ask for the support to keep my head where my feet are and my feet on the ground. When I notice myself asking big questions of the future, or trying to force clarity to come when it just isn’t here, I remind myself to come back to right now. Because there is always clarity in this moment, even if it’s just to let go of the question for the rest of the day.
My north star is truthfulness with myself — which I see as the foundation for trusting myself and others, and trusting the divine. So much of the suffering of my life has come from patterns of abandoning myself and trying to squeeze myself into a box for others. As I commit more steadily to staying with myself, with my truth, with my needs and wants and triggers and tenderness, I feel more at peace with my life. I trust that I’ll receive what I need. Truthfulness with myself means giving myself permission to be me — even if that means going against what’s normalized in any group. As someone who’s been immersed in spiritual communities for 15 years, I believed there were very specific ways I had to be and not be in order to truly be spiritual. Being spiritual doesn’t mean I have to eat or dress or speak or pray or sleep or love a certain way. It means I commit to the process of embodying my true self through all the iterations, making amends to myself and others when I act out of integrity with that truth and cause harm, and sharing this honesty and care with all of life.
Interview with Magalie Bonneau, Former world-class sailor who woke up in the midst of a world championship after unconsciously suppressing for a decade her intuitive, soulful and connected side for the sake of keeping up a driven path towards mastery.
What propelled your journey through metamorphosis?
M: During my forty + years of life, I have been through many soul initiations. Some have been intense and have lasted weeks, whereas others covered the span of a few years. Each one has been a catalyst for experiencing more freedom, deepening my sense of wholeness and relationship with Spirit, inner guidance and trust in life’s organic unfolding.
My first descent in my metamorphosis process came out of left field. Up until that moment, I had lived an amazing life by society’s standards. I was performing at my best, sailing in a world championship when a massive volcano erupted from the depths of my being. The timing couldn’t have been more inconvenient; I was 22 years old reaching the peak of my olympic sailing pursuit, when I was hit by a judgmental remark from my coach that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. All of the emotions that I had been unconsciously suppressing for years erupted. My inner protective shield that had allowed me to remain strong and ‘together’ for years rushed up like a geyser breaking ground under high pressure. I was flooded with a cathartic melt down that lasted 12 hours. Cracked wide open, I left my body for four days. From above, a veil was lifted. Suddenly, I saw clearly that the life I had been living dismissed my deeper, tender, intuitive and authentic humanity. It was as if I was watching a dream, recalling scenes of my childhood and teenage years where I saw a good girl shaped by a culture who had done all she could to fit in and rise to be her best self. Strangely, the film of my life felt disconnected, lonely and out of sync. My wild, intuitive, and sensitive soul had been suppressed by societal conditioning, as I gave my power away to the external world.
Up until then, I was unstoppable, effective, strong, positive, and focused. I got things done. I made things happen. I made things work. Life felt like a game I had learned to play through the lens of my smart ego. I was a self-made woman who lived the heroine’s journey I had dreamed of. Yet, I could not feel much as I was used to living so much in my head — preparing for the future or contemplating on the past. I was goal driven. Each moment informed by a certain agenda and projection. I protected my heart and didn’t let anyone in. My body had become a machine in service to my will. Unconsciously, I was dissociated from my sensitive, tender, visionary and attuned nature; the part of me that feels free, guided and loved by simply being fully present and embodied. Like a holy grail, an entire universe I could only access through surrender was awaiting to be discovered.
What is one practice, ritual or supportive space that has helped you cultivate a sense of faith & new possibility in times of unraveling?
M: Sitting by my altar quietly, I have made a practice of pulling oracle cards from Alana Fairchild’s Isis deck. When I feel disoriented in the maze of my monkey mind and disturbed emotional body, her timely, empowering and precise wisdom has been a lighthouse. I am forever grateful for having developed an intimate relationship with the Divine Feminine. She helped me unlock the sacred feminine within me. Through her transmissions, her embodied wisdom, faith, sense of sovereignty and resilience have been infused into every cell of my body. She always receives me regardless of what I’m going through and helps me remember who I am at my highest expression. As I meditate and engage in rituals she suggests in the deck, I transmute fear-based energies and connect to a much higher frequency rooted in love and faith. In ancient times, there were Mystery Schools. For me, Isis rituals and reflections have become my ‘mystery school’ for timeless and timely embodied wisdom.
What helps you settle your nervous system and centers you when it feels as though the ground beneath you is crumbling and your sense of identity dissolving?
M: I think what has been most helpful to me is slowing down whatever I’m doing. I mean, truly slow down to a point where I can unwind my nervous system, create inner space and see with a greater perspective what’s unfolding within and around me. I have discovered many practices that have helped me to transmute contraction, fear, grief, doubts and confusion. Yin Yoga, Qi Gong, authentic movement, slow barefoot forest bathing, and poetry writing have catalyzed wonders. Slowly and deeply reconnecting to my breath, to the earth and to my body have proven to be very beneficial. By allowing myself to feel the soles of my feet kissing the ground and slowly extending my limbs between earth and sky, my energy naturally comes back to a place of equilibrium and inner trust.
What lessons have you learned as you have descended into the dark chrysalis of your own metamorphosis, the state when who you’ve known yourself to be is dissolving and who you will become has yet to be revealed?
M: In the great descent, I learned to trust the remarkable power in surrendering. From that place, the space for a greater intelligence that knows what is in the best interest of my evolution and wellbeing begins to guide the way.
In my experience, allowing myself to feel what wants to be felt and released without judgment or holding anything back, has been so liberating. In the surrender, the ego must let go of its attachments; to its sense of identity, its stories and its familiar territories, to allow new dimensions and fresh perspectives to be revealed and internalized. I have found it helpful to invite poetry & metaphor to give expression to my feelings, as a means to find resolve between the diverse voices that grapple for air within my psyche. Making art and allowing myself to be danced deeply have also been graceful ways to engage in the unknown of the great descent and metamorphosis.
I have also learned that feeling stuck, filled with grief, anger or confusion is not only okay, but pave the way to liberation. Underlying each emotion and feeling there is a genuine need seeking to be acknowledged and met. Therefore, bringing curiosity and validation rather than judgment is so healing and enlightening. Ultimately, feeling it all slowly, fully and completely without shame or guilt is a revolutionary act of self-love. My Dancing Freedom teacher used to tell us: “there’s no way out but through.” By committing to being like water flowing through a river, I have allowed my body to naturally alchemize fear based stories and beliefs.
Cultivating a sense of safety and intentionality help set the favorable context to descend into the great unknown. Otherwise, the journey can feel a lot more discombobulating, even traumatic. Therefore being held by trusted soul guides, mentors, Mother Earth or the Great Mystery makes all the difference.
What north star is guiding you?
M: Over the years I have learned to trust that I am held by a shining North Star I call the Great Mystery. It knows my destiny and creates the perfect conditions to help me to become more whole, aware, awake, and on purpose moment to moment. Thousands of synchronicities I have experienced throughout my life have shown me that there is a greater play at work. Something beyond what my mind can make sense of (even when I try!) is unfolding. The universe has our back. It has our highest good at heart.
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